Man Against Wall type of conflict

Greetings online world.  Yesterday marks the beginning of the next phase of the Vermeer Victory Tunnel — mega painting!!!  This post goes deep on the realness so don’t read it if you are the judgmental type.

There are allegedly seven types of narrative conflict, however there is a very important one that was left out – Man Against Wall (vir obviam parietis in Latin).  Man = woman in my case, but you get the idea.  Originally the title of this post was going to be in Latin but it dawned on me no one would know what it meant.  I will probably find a way to incorporate it into the artwork.

“vir obviam parietis”

The internet has a plethora of artist documentaries, which has proved itself to be a go-to technique for me on a number of occasions, in that it gives me other artists to relate to.  Delving into the artist psyche is apparently interesting to others, hence this post to share my personal journey.

I will spare you guys the back story, but upon starting this tunnel I was operating at about 25% of normal productivity.  In understanding the nature of my feelings in regards to this matter, it required deep introspection.  After getting my proverbial ass kicked in moving back the Netherlands, this is thankfully turning into the Year of Lucy.

For one, there was an element of performance anxiety, which is pretty much normal for anyone going up against the biggest project of their life.  One documentary which proved interesting was about Tracey Emin, a british artist featured on the series “What Do Artists Do All Day?”  Witnessing her personal struggle when faced with a giant canvas made me chuckle due to the fact that the tunnel is significantly more complex and quite a bit larger.  Here is another one with the same story — big canvas fret by Shani Rys James.

Eventually as artists, we work through these things.  What is glorious is not having a client breathing down my neck, which allows for the space of time for art to marinate in the brain.  It does not all happen overnight.  It is just this feeling of inner strength that I know when the time has come to begin.  Even when I am riding there and back (approx. 8 – 9 km roundtrip), it feels effortless now.

The Vermeer Letters were a major component of the confidence building activities.  The goal is to approach this whole thing from my “calm center”, which had to be found first.

Here is the list of how I found it:


eating a lot,

sleeping a lot,

magic truffles,

social media avoidance,

obligation restrictions,


an answering service to handle all calls,

a strict schedule of chillaxing in the sun every morning,

gardening in the Garden of Destiny,

moving to a new apartment a while back in total secrecy,

TRE (trauma release exercises), and

Tim Ferriss podcasts about top performers helped.  A lot!

The TRE was recently discovered, (via and has been forwarded to a lot of my friends already.  Officially it is called a psoas release, psoas being a muscle group.

But, it really should be called “Quivering Genitals Relaxation Technique” and I highly recommend it to everyone just for shits and giggles to try it.

I even ate sardines for breakfast a few times a la Tim Ferriss.  I mention the magic truffles, a form of psychedelic mushrooms mainly because the BBC probably would not cover that type of personal “risque” information in their artist documentaries and they really seem to have helped.  It is not as if it was my first time doing them, but in a new frame of mind from which to approach them.  I enjoy doing breathing exercises as an activity whilst on them now, but watching Swan Lake online with ballerinas dancing like swans was also quite fun.  There is a slew of new research as the benefits of psilocybins aka magic mushrooms.  Here are two interesting articles from relatively reputable sources:

Not hiding the fact I have a giant box of paperwork to go through still, but important things are moving forward after much procrastination.  So yes, there you have it…  The real deal as to the build up to handle more than 100m of wall space (50m tunnel – both sides plus back wall across the water) from a calm center.  It really was kinda like the movie Rocky the past month.  Eye of the Tiger.

Rockin’ the lapis lazuli stone with my calm center look.
Pin by James Shields.
Custom bracelet with Beastie Boy lyrics from my friend Crystal.  One of my favorite talismans.
Sardines on homemade bread with lettuce from the Garden of Destiny.
Jenny Jones No-Knead bread recipe
Rough background painting yesterday. 


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2 thoughts on “Man Against Wall type of conflict

  1. Ja, het is begonnen. Zo iets woord mijn eerste schilderij — (eerste foto’s)

    Misty morning. 🙂 Ik ben mijn kracht en mijn plan aan het opbouwen. Binnenkort heb ik posters van mijn tekening en een andere muur “If Dali Wrote Graffiti” beschikbaar bij Verbeek Verf Winkel op de beestenmarkt. See u soon!


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